I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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