good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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