My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
