she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
