You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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