i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
