How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
