also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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