Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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