How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
