Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
