what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
