I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize