Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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