So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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