Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
