you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
