dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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