She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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