the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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