Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
