Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
