Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize