I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
