I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
