I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
