Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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