If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
