Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
