She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
