mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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