Are we in a gay sports bar?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
