Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's blow job season.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
