So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
