i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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