highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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