How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do vagina's smell?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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