There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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