I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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