Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
