ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
