just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My cat gives me a boner
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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