so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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