She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
