I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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