who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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