Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
