i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
