cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
