it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
