So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
