Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
