Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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