well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
