So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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