So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
