: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
