I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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