I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
