I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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