I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
