Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
