Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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