i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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