Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
