So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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