So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
