I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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