I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
