my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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