Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
