On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
