There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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