and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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