Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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