I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
