god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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