also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
