and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize