Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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