my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
