I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
