Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
