Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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