WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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