i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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